My wife’s job is to criticize me.  It is her duty to mold me into something better.  Whenever I do something blatantly wrong she will be right there with words of rebuke.  She does this out of love.  Although when she is chastising me for my latest blunder it is hard for me to see any of that love.  Conversely, it is not my job to help her be a better person.  Once I stupidly pointed out a failure on her part and was immediately put in my place.  When I asked why it was alright for her to transform me but not alright for me to do the same with her, I was told she didn’t need improvement.  She reminded me that while we were dating, sometime in the past century, I had told her she was perfect.  Of course I said I did not remember saying any such thing. 

Wife:  “So, now you’re telling me I’m not perfect?”

Well, I could see right off no good would come from denying having said such a rash thing so I was backed against a wall.  

Me:  “I didn’t say that.”

Wife:  “Good, go pick up your socks.”

I hate to admit it but it was my idea that the wife come geocacheing with me.  As much as I regret my indiscretion there’s nothing I can do to change it now.  For some reason she seems to think the husband improvement doesn’t end in the home but applies to caching as well.  Reading the following story will prove my point.

Past experience should have taught me not to, but I usually start out a day of caching with unbridled enthusiasm.  As we pack up the GPS, Palm and tools needed for a successful day I can’t wait to make our first find. 

I think some people have way too much time on the hands.  Do you remember the saying “Idle hands are the Devil’s playground”?  Nothing could be more correct when applied to cache owners.  I believe some of these evil minded CO’s stay up nights trying to think of new ways to torture poor unaware cachers like me.  I blindly go out to find these caches without giving a thought to what some twisted mind might have invented with the express purpose of tormenting me.  I don’t understand it.  I haven’t done anything to them.  I don’t ever remember meeting them.  So, I could not have said or done anything to warrant this kind of abuse.  Here is an example of the kind of sick minded people that are laying these traps for me.  At the same time they are giving fresh fodder for the wife to have bountiful opportunities to correct my caching techniques.

We had done a few uneventful caches in the area and took time to have lunch.  It was an unexpectedly nice day in December for the state of Michigan.  We took our time with lunch and enjoyed the beautiful day.  After we finished we plotted out our next conquest.  We found one we could park fairly close to called “Goofy’s Twist and Shout“.  Off we went to claim another find.  We parked a short distance form the GZ and walked quickly to the cache.  The cache consisted of a large PCV tube sticking out of the ground about four feet tall with another slightly larger tube with a cap which fit snugly over the top of the first tube.

Wife:  “There it is right out in the open.   What a lame cache.  Some people have no imagination at all.  Go ahead and pull that top tube off and let‘s get on to the next one.”

Me:  “I can’t get it off.  It seems to be catching on something.”

Wife:  “Well pull harder.  Why do you have to take a simple task and make it so difficult?”

Me:  “What was the name of this cache?  Wasn’t it something about twisting and shouting?”

Wife:  “That’s right.  Maybe it doesn’t come straight off.  Maybe you have to twist it a little to get it to slide off.” 

Me:  “It doesn’t look too complicated. I should have it off in a minute or two.”

I twisted.  I pulled.  I pushed it back.  This sucker was not going to give up.  It didn’t help that the wife kept letting me know everything she thought I was doing wrong.  About an hour later the wife took over.  Did you ever notice how some people like to critique but don’t take kindly to criticism aimed at them?  I’m not saying the wife is that way but she let me know it might be in my best interest if I were to “Keep my mouth shut”.

When we started this cache it was a very pleasant early December day.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the planets were aligned, and everything was right in the world.  Now after too many hours in the same woods at the same cache, the skies were turning ominous.  Darkness was setting in, the winds were picking up, nature was getting ready to unleash its furry, and demons were approaching from all sides.  The wife had given up and set me back to the task of removing the tube.
 
Wife:  “If you don’t get that thing off of there in the next two minutes; I swear I’m going to brain you with it.”

I knew her threats were idle because try as I might, and believe me I did, I couldn’t remove the tube from the ground.  Then suddenly a miracle occurred.  Quite unexpectedly it came off.

Me:  “I got it.  I can’t believe it.  It does come off.”

Wife:  “Quit patting yourself on the back.  Its snowing so hard I’m not sure we can find our way back to the car.”

We quickly signed the log put everything back together and drove away.  On the way home I was forced to listen while the wife pointed out all I had done wrong with the cache and detailed everything she felt I needed to do to improve my caching tecniques. Then after an extended period of sullen silence the wife said not too convincingly…

Wife:  “Wasn’t that fun?”

By nanncyan

The wife and I have been geocaching about three years now.  We enjoy the exercise and great scenery.  We are surprised by the parks that we never knew exsisted right in our own back yard.  We live in Comstock Park Michigan.  We are fortunate to have thousands of caches within a short drive.  We are recently retired and plan to cache around the country.  Who knows maybe we will be in Washington next July for GW VIII!  Our goal is to keep geocaching fun.  I hope our stories relate that to others.

Marvin Altena