One of my favorite cache logs...

August 18, 2008 by oldboyhiker (3772 found)
Indiana Hiker was tense. This situation was different than any other he had encountered before. Several months ago an old colleague, Professor Warren Gubbool, had set off on a quest to the great north woods. In his studies the Professor thought he had found the key to answer the age old question of who were the actual first European settlers to live in the new world. Though quirky, off center, & often looked down upon by the mainstream due to his rather "primitive" lifestyle Indy knew the professor had a hunch that very well just might change the history of the new world as we knew it.

There was one slight hitch. The Professor had explained to Indy that an old drunk one legged traveler had once told him that these first Europeans had come to the new world in ships filled with gold from the old world. The story went that the Europeans thought they would need the gold for barter with the locals. But of course the local Indians could be bought off with cheap beads & trinkets, so the gold was never used. The colonist found out the gold wasn't any good for growing crops, or hunting, or building a fort out in the new world wilderness. It didn't make for good tools or even fertilizer. The Colonists decided to hide the gold for safe keeping until they either returned to Europe or a supply ship came by. Unfortunately, for the colonists the local Indians distrusted the newcomers & in a great uprising slaughtered all but only the infants. The Indians found the gold, but of course had no use for it except in the telling of stories of "The sun that you can hold in your hands".

Indy knew the professor couldn't be the only person looking for the first European colony. The gold aspect of it attracted everyone who knew & believed the story. He figured several groups had to be actively searching. A few were not honorable & one or two were just plain rabble. The most notorious was a group of American Irish Republican Army (IRA) sympathizers. The organization had been quiet for over twenty years. But certain "do gooder" American sympathizers saw an opportunity to revamp and refund the terrorist activities if they could only find the rumored gold themselves.

The Professor had disappeared; Indy hadn't heard from him or received a text from him in weeks. Indy decided he had to head north to find the old geezer. So he set out & arrived near the Professor's last known position parched & tired from the long trip. He stopped in a nearby small hamlet called Trussville. A backwards place, the Taco Bell was the ritziest restaurant in town. Indy knew this would be the last store bought food he would see in awhile. He went in hungry.

A hush came over the restaurant when he walked in. The locals had never seen him before. Everybody knew everyone else in this burgh. The young teenage kid at the counter looked Indy over good as he walked up. He was skinny, pimply faced with red hair & freckles. He had dreamed of seeing the world & this worldly stranger from PHAH interested him. What he wouldn't give to go explore with this guy.

"Could I have a taco, a burrito and a coke please" Indy said to the teenager. The boy nodded. People in the restaurant turned & looked. From his accent they knew he was from the far away south. "Maybe even as far south as PHAH" one girl whispered close to her boyfriend. The whispers stopped when the front entrance to the store was flung open heavily, so that it slammed the back of the glass window. The Taco Bell boy looked up. In the back of the store he saw several people, maybe four, all dressed in black, with sunglasses who had burst into the store & spread out inside. Indy, hungry & tired, was oblivious to what was going on behind him as he quietly waited for his order.

The leader of the dark group, a woman, signaled to a man & another woman to cover the other two exits while she took the back. "Pigeons both sides" she snapped. "Scooter go get started". "Scooter" headed to the front of the store & brushed shoulders with Indy as he walked past. Indy thought the man looked familiar. The man didn't notice Indy. The man turned & announced to the people in the restaurant. "Everyone stop what you are doing! Listen to me" the man yelled coarsely. "We are here looking for a cave. The one that has the ancient Indian gold in it. Where is it? We must know now or some of you could die!" All conversations stopped. Indy was at first stunned, then perplexed, then fearful. "What the...." he thought. Someone in the crowd yelled "that's just an old legend. It's not true & never was". Suddenly, from the back the lead woman stepped up. "Listen to me good..... We know that the existence of the cave is a true fact". Indy recognized the voice immediately "O hail! It's O'Hail" his brain screamed. He knows he can't let her recognize him as she was surely looking for the same thing Professor Gubbool was. He looked down at the floor. She continued "There was a man here recently. He walked everywhere. He told lots of stories, gray beard, and funny wide brimmed hat. Probably made a nuisance of himself too I'll bet. He liked cookies...... & he was looking for THIS cave. Where is he now?!" Someone in the crowd spoke up. "Yeah, I saw him". O'Hail, turning to look at the speaker from near the counter glanced at Indy. She then looked back. When she did, it was squarely into Indy's face who was still trying to look down.

"AuuuuGH!" she yelled. "Who do we have here? Indy? Indiana Hiker? Here?" She turns toward the crowd. "See people this is the great Indiana Hiker. He doesn't come all the way out to this Podunk forest for no good reason. He must think there is gold here too... Don't you Indy?' She turns & smiles wickedly & points at him. Pigeons get him!" Just then the red haired kid behind the counter yells "Mr. Hiker! Here's your order sir & tosses a small wrapped up burrito to him. Indy reacts quickly. Caches the burrito & flings it in front of Mr. Pigeon who steps on it, slips, & falls face to the floor. A lady fearful for her child in the crowd picks up the dear girl with a hefty lift & swings her over her shoulder & turns around. The girl's feet hit lady Pigeon smack dab in the face & she is knocked onto the floor out cold. Everyone in the restaurant, now seeing a chance, all dash wildly for the exits. Both Pigeons are prevented from getting up by the trampling crowd passing by. The red haired kid then grabs O'Hail from behind, dumps the coke on her head & wrestles her to the ground. Indy looks up, punches a surprised Scooter in the jaw & turns to high tail it out the door with the crowd.

Out the door Indy takes to the vehicle & begins to start the car. Just as it begins to move forward the red haired Taco Bell counter kid runs out in front of the car. Indy slams on the breaks. CLUNK! The kid hits the front of the car. Indy is stuck. He can't get out without running over the kid. So he gets out of the car to move him. As he tries to push the kid away the kid tells him. "No, Mr. Hiker I want to come with you" "I am sorry kid you can't" replies Hiker. "No you don't understand. I know.... I know...." He pants "You know what kid?" "I know where the cave is Mr. Hiker. I've been there. I used to play there when I was little." Indy offers him a hand & helps him into the car. They leave the parking lot spinning gravel all over a green jeep in the parking lot. The car heads out into the rural night air.

The kid leads Indy to the cave in the dark. As they move closer they both see a small light bobbing around at the mouth of the cave. "You stay here kid. I'll go investigate" says Indy. Carefully, Hiker makes his way down to the cave. He keeps a constant watch on the light. Wanting at all times to know where it is. The light stays over in the far corner of the gully, not moving, as he climbs his way down into the hole. At the bottom Indy quietly moves toward the light. Without warning....WACK,... WACK! Indy feels a pain on the side of his head. Then he hears a shriek. "Son of a Bisket!" WACK.! Another sting. "Son of a Bisket!" WACK! Finally, the beating stops. "You son of a bisket what are you doing here? I've got a gun.." It was a sharp female voice; aggressive & intense. A blinding light as bright as the sun then was shined in Indy's eyes. Indy squinted & covered his eye with his hand. There was long pause.......

"Indiana Hiker!!! Is that you? Sure haven't seen you in awhile....... Ok, now I have. The gold & the artifacts will GO WITH ME! UNDERSTAND?" The voice then softened. "Poor baby" Indy recognized the sweet southern tones. It was Magnolia Tupelo. An eclectic southern girl, more at home in Greenwich Village than the wilds of these parts. The last Indy had heard of her she was the head collector for the New York Museum of antiquities. He hoped she still didn't want his head on a spike, but he couldn't remember for sure what the situation was at their last parting. She was aggressive about her finds & the numbers of artifacts that she collected for her employer was astonishing. A relentless searcher well veiled by her slight five & a half foot frame. "Hi,.... Magnolia" He said as he rubbed the blood on his skull & shook the cobwebs from his brain. "You swing that stick pretty good lady. Somebody teach you to do that did they?" "You know somebody taught me how to use that a long time ago Indy.... You old piddlefart! Just thought I needed a little more training using it. Yeah. Did I pass?" She smiled as she checked the cut on his head. "You know the New York Museum DOES have the rights to this one? This IS going to be my find! So what ARE you doing here Indy?" "I'm looking for Professor Gubbool, Magnolia. Have you seen him?". "Lord No! I haven't seen him in months......." She paused while she thought. "Or even years. He was a mess. Bless his little heart".

Just then falling rocks are heard as the Taco Bell kid comes bouncing down the hillside on his butt. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!! Mr. Hiker! They're coming. The people from the restaurant. They're coming". "You got a name kid?" asked Indy. "Yes sir. It's Jim...... Jim Betterman sir." "Well, Jim Betterman lets get in the cave. How do we get in?" "There's a steel gate over the entrance Mr. Hiker. It has locks. Locks from both inside & outside sir.... But....." "But what Jim?" asked Indy. "But she can't come". "Why not Jim?" "Well,.. Well, ... sir, she.... she's.....a...GIRL!" "Granted Jim. She is. Now how do we ALL get in?". "Ok, I have both keys". "Keys? You just happen to have keys? Both keys Jim?!" "Yes sir. I always have my keys with me at all times. I go lots of places. Everyone lets me have them, so I can get in. My dad was the care taker here many years ago. There used to be a bar in there during prohibition. They had bands, alcohol, & dancing in there during the 30's." "Ok, Jim that's good, but you carry the keys with you all the time?" Jim stares blankly at Indy & says nothing. A long pause..... Indy gives up. "Ok then, Jim lets go in. What's above the cave?" "Oh, there is a lake up there Mr. Hiker". Indy didn't like the sound of that, but figured no point in mentioning it now. "But the valve stays shut off Mr. Hiker, so we'll be safe. There is an escape tunnel. It was so if the cops raided the place everyone could get out. It's very narrow though. They could open up the valve & flood the front part of the cave. That way the cops couldn't get in for awhile & everybody had time to climb out the back. They had to climb out and up a tall ladder though. It's old now." "Did it work?.. The flooding?" asked Indy. Jim looked puzzled at being questioned. "I suppose it did Mr. Hiker. But we got to go I hear someone coming!" The trio opened the gate & locked back all the locks & then disappeared into the black inky hole.

Five shadowy figures quietly made their way into the gully headed for the cave. One extremely large man had joined them. As they stepped down to the gate the large man lifted a large sledgehammer and swung. CLANG!!! CLANG!!! CLANG!!! Cheers of "Go Dib. Go get it!' came from some of the figures.

Jim, Magnolia, & Indy all searched the area for clues of professor Gubbool's whereabouts', the lost colony, or the gold following the dark dank cave passages. In the first room there was clearly a stage over to the left. "That's where the band was my father told me once" said Jim. They came to an ornate set of stairs that spiraled 15 feet or so up to the second room. They were tiled in a bright blue, green & white motif. The tiles were arranged, so that they took the form of a bright tropical parrot from the side and a palm tree from the top. "Cool!" said Magnolia. If the valve to the pipe in the lake is opened the water fills up this room, but doesn't get up past the stairs explained Jim. "You hope" said Indy. Both Indy & Magnolia were scanning the ceiling. What they saw astonished them. "A crystal chandelier!" announced Magnolia. "Double cool" says Indy. Walking through the cave everyone's eyes & lights were active. The light landed on a rough wooden statue of an aboriginal man. "Are there any more of these down here Jim?" Indy asked. "I've seen a few. I don't know why they had them down here. It doesn't fit the rest of the decorations". "No it doesn't" Indy replied. "Magnolia, do you recognize this?" "No not me." Indy smiled. "This is from the Threecard tribe. An ancient savage people who were run off by the other Indians tribes prior to the Mayflower. Legend says though short in stature they ate their dead as celebration & were expert water crafters. The rest of the tribes thought they were devils and chased them away after several wars. Maybe a few of them holed out in this cave. Indy smiled. "Don't you think so Magnolia?" Indy's face lit up when he pulled on the statue's head & it came off. "You BROKE it!" Jim said in a surprised voice. Indy explained "Some of these ancient tribes kept secret things in these statues. Let's see." Indy pulled out a little crystal vile with some liquid in it. "The head always represented the being. So only the most precious things were placed there. Look, see the writing on the top of the crystal?" Magnolia grabbed the bottle from Indy. "I don't see a thing" She said. "Well, shake it then Magnolia. Shake it good until the blue liquid inside coats the top of the vile". "Oh, now I see it. I can't read the symbols." said Magnolia starting in a high pitched excited voice. "Ancient Threecardese is a backward language Magnolia. They were a very coarse people, almost evil, beastly even some say.... May I?" as Indy gestured for Magnolia to give him back the vile. At first she just stood there fighting her own strong desires to keep the vile close to her. It took all her effort to give Hiker back the vile. "Thank you" Indy smiled & then read the symbols. "Room of sun other pathway". "See I TOLD you we chose the WRONG passage getting here." Magnolia dug at Indy. "Where is the other pathway?" Magnolia says looking at Jim & smiling like an angel. Small drops of sweat are forming on her cheeks. Jim replied "Yes, but it is in a lower part of the cave". "Jim is there another statue like this in the other passageway?" "Yes, I think so Mr. Hiker. There is also another one of a monstrous beast."

The group headed back to the front room & back down the spiral staircase. They could hear a rhythmic sound of the sledgehammer pounding at the gate. "It's O Hail" Indy quietly tells the others.. The group stops at the front room to listen. Indy looks at Jim. "Do you know how this valve works? We may have to use it". "I'm not sure says the young man". Just then a cheer is heard from the gate area. "They just broke in the gate. I guess it's time we learn, Huh Jim?" "Yes, sir" the boy answers timidly. Both Indy & Jim start to try & turn the big wheel of the valve in front of them. It doesn't budge. They try again. Nothing happens. It's locked solid. Both Jim & Indy are sweating profusely of fear, tension, & effort. Magnolia walks over to investigate. "What's this lever here?" she says, unlatches it & moves it to the other side. The valve wheel immediately starts to freewheel when the boys push on it again. Jim gets his arm caught on the wheel & rides it in a big circle before being tossed out in the middle of the floor while Indy deftly spins out of the way. The whole cave starts rumbling & shaking as thousands of gallons of water start shooting into the first room. "I didn't do that" Magnolia squeals. Indy turns & tells her "Thank you. You just unlocked that valve my dear".

"This way. I know the way. There is a dam way down the tunnel. We'll have to run!" shouts Jim. The elders follow running. The pathway they are taking is at the same level as the first room, so the water catches them, flows past them & then starts to rise slowing them down. "How much further Jim?" Indy asks. "A long way" Jim replies. Just then a wall of water hits the trio. Indy being behind the other two is caught first & slung onto the backs of his companions. The lights are immediately lost in the wave & arms, legs, feet & heads all tumble against one another. Indy grabs a rock on the top side of the wall & then finds an air pocket. He is now alone. The others washed away. The air pocket starts to shrink as the water rises to the ceiling. He has to tread water. His only chance is to let go & find another big air pocket. He lets go and is gone. Sucked under in the silence, darkness, and airlessness Indy's lungs about burst as he is pulled by the current feet first. His feet hit a wall in front of him & his whole body tumbles from the water. When he is upright he pushes off the bottom strongly with his feet. Straight up. "There has to be air!" he thinks. His head hits something soft, but then it is gone. Indy hardly notices as he takes his first giant gulp of musty air. He floats there for several minutes chocking & gasping for his breath. He is at the dam that was made to allow escape from the flooded section of the cave during the prohibition. On the other side of the dam he hears Jim saying "Where is everyone? I can't see. I can't see." & Magnolia moaning curses in pain somewhere on the other side of the dam below him. Magnolia had run up against the dam just as Indy had. She had waited in the deep water with her back against the dam & had just about pushed herself halfway out of the water onto her backside when Indy surfaced straight up. He rammed her right squarely on her butt with his head with force enough to knock her up out of the water & over the dam where she tumbled down the wet steps on the other side.

There was silence for several minutes. Indy felt his way down the slippery steps on the backside of the dam. "Everybody here?" asked Indy. Both the others responded; but barely. Then more silence. "Anybody got a light?" "No" "Nope". A third very weak voice called out. "Is that someone? I have a light. We need water though. Please help us. We're over here."

A glimmer of hope rose in the dank blackness. "Shine your light" shouted Indy. A faint light is seen 100 feet away "Who are you?" asks Indy. "I'm Scott & that is Jewels". He pointed over to a small ball rolled up over in the corner. "We've been down here for three days. I'm with the local university here. We came to look for artifacts & to place a geocache. We were repelling back up the hole above when I slipped & we both fell back down onto the cave floor". "Any broken bones?" asked Indy. "No" But I twisted my knee". "If you give me a cup Scott I'll get you both some water. There's plenty of it here now" offered Magnolia." "Thanks. Who are you?" "I'm Indy & these are my partners Jim & Magnolia. We were looking for a wooden statue of an Indian. Have you seen that?" "Yes, we found that one" Do you remember where it was?" "I don't recall it at all" Scott says. "My mind is blank. I think Jewel's actually found that one. I have a friend that has found it too. Do you want me to call him & ask?" "You have a phone?" said Indy. "Well, I can use it when we get out of here" replied Scott. "Jewel's dear. Do you remember the statue we found? Do you remember where it was?" Jewel's did remember & gave the directions to the explorers. They all sat & rested for several minutes in the pitch dark while Jim took the light & explored the area of the cave where the cave people had fallen.

"Hey Indy" shouts Jim "This is the exit shaft. No more ladder though. But the repelling equipment is still here, but it's all laying on the ground. Geez, I want to get out of here! HELP, HELP, HELP" Jim starts to scream. The filtered morning light can be seen from above though the shaft. "HELP, HELP!" Jim then thinks he caught sight of a little movement right at the top edge of the shaft. He's not sure. Then he makes out a color. A light gray; & it moved again. Then a little more of the object appears. It's a cowboy type hat... "I saw it move" yelled Jim. "Somebody's up there". "HEY, HEY HELP US we're down here!" Indy fumbles his way over to the shaft in the dark next to Jim. Just then an old grey bearded face of a man peers over the edge. "Is someone down there?" He calls out. "Yes, Yes, we need help to get out of here" explains Jim. The stranger above pauses a short while. Then he calls back facetiously. "There is some climbing rope up here should I tie it off & throw it down? Would that work?" "Ahhhh, yeah that would be good" answers Indy.

The rope comes down & Indy looks up at the would-be savior. The stranger casts a familiar silhouette. The stranger asks "What are you folks doing in these parts?" "My name is Indiana Hiker. I came to help a friend, a professor Warren Gubbool. Any chance you might have seen him in this area?" answers Indy. "Help a friend? What friend can you help from down in that hole? It seems to me if you wanted to HELP somebody you wouldn't get yourself stuck in a CAVE where CAVE PEOPLE live. It also seems to me that if the one you are trying to save, saves YOU instead then you must be a miserable FAILURE at saving people!!!. Especially, when the one who is to be saved is getting along by himself quite well, such as the afore mentioned Professor Gubbool..." Indy looked up, dropped his shoulders & smiled "You're a butt you know it? But I am glad your Ok buddy." It was Gubbool. "Of course I'm a butt. You drove 2200 miles here to be in a cold wet hole & I am up here safe, warm, & enjoying my hot cocoa & pop tarts for breakfast".

The first order of business was to get the cavers out. Every one in the cave was tired, wet, covered in mud from head to toe & cold. It was decided Gubbool & Jim would work on that using Scott's expert repelling knowledge while Indy & Magnolia went back to search for the other statue. Gubbool filled them in on what he had found out & tossed down a couple of good lights to explore the cave by. Indy & Magnolia headed back off down the cave. Both lights were moving quickly along the cave perimeter. Magnolia spied something & ran toward it & grabbed it. It was another small vile hanging on the wall. "But there is no statue here?" Indy wondered out loud. Magnolia holds the vile out toward him. "Read it. Read it Indy. Read it now." Indy looked at her. "Are you sure you trust me?" & smiles. She gives him a grimace. Indy looked. "This one is totally blank. No one has ever found this before!!!!"

"We did it Magnolia!" "Yes, we did Indy!" "What about the gold though Magnolia?" "Aww, forget about the gold. It was the Caver's FTF we really wanted".

WAA HOOO FTF BAY BAY.

We leave our hero's with the knowledge that somewhere deep in the bowels of the Birmingham Beast there is still an unfound cache of ancient European gold more valuable than any geocache. Will YOU be the one to find it?

The end.

By Web

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